Flight

I saw a mother apologizing for having a miniature bottle of baby butt cream. The bottle was obviously half empty, and therefore much below the three-ounce minimum. But security is the law. So she threw it away. The baby seemed unusually pissed. I would be too. Imagine this, the only thing you do all day is shit. All day, that’s the entire schedule. This obviously creates some problems downstairs. I’m not claiming negligence or anything, but if they let it fester in your onesie it can become problematic. The father apologized to the security agent. He should have known better. It clearly states in the TSA and Department of Homeland Security that anyone attempting to smooth a baby’s bottom should be put on a security suspicious person list. Besides, if your babies’ bottom isn’t as smooth as, well … if it isn’t smooth you should probably be reported to the child protection agency. Although this cuts down on the risk of terrorism, it increases the chances of a baby annoying the hell out of everyone on the plane. I believe this should be amended to the TSA advisory handbook. Crying babies and kids who kick the back of your chair are not cute, they are terrorists. They use destructive force to get what want. Gosh baby let’s be a little diplomatic here, we’re all reasonable people. Except you, you baby fundamentalist. But I would be pretty upset without my butt cream too, so I’ll let this one slide, as I slide of my shoes and placed them into the X-ray bin sponsored by shoes.com. Behind me a gorgeous girl is forced to turn over some makeup to the authorities. Now that should be a crime.

I’d like to see a terrorist try and hold up a plane again. Honestly, he would get the shit beat out of him --especially after release of Rambo III; All American Kick-Ass. Every young guy is waiting for his chance to reach ultimate victory and beat up a terrorist. Here is the thing, when we were kids, our G-I Joes were killing Soviets, but now they attacking terrorists. Every movie is about Americans getting picked on by the rest of the world. Countries Americans didn’t know even existed eight years ago have become the center of a new G-I Joe collection. Terrorism doesn’t stand a chance –not because of the war on terror abroad, but the war on terror that takes place right here at home. Everyone is waiting to kick a terrorist in the face. I’m am flying China Air and I know that these Asians are waiting to go Jet Li and Jackie Chan on some terrorist. Besides. After 15 hours sitting down, what these people need is a good ole’ fashioned brawl. I would put my money on any American in combat against a terrorist. But as for me, if I had to pick my battle I’d rather fight a terrorist with some baby butt cream than a baby without.